you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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