Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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