Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
