never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
nutella sex= disaster
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
