do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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