So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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