She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
