god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
