just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
