he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
