Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
