I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
