Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
