She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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