The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
