R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
