I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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