I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i believe in u and ur pee
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
