I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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