that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
