how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
