dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
