I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
