just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize