i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
