Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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