I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
