You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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