youre lurking in front of me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
