It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
