Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
