Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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