haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
