I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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