maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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