Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
