Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
