I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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