cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
