My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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