Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
