So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
