ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
