A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
