if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
