i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
