his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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