I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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