I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
