the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
