you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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