I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
