I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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