I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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