Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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