john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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