11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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