I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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