what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
love makes seman taste better
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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