I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize