Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
