I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
