Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
