I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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