It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
