Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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