Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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