Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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