So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
