I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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