I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did i walk over a car last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm really busy with my period
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
