I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
