my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
