Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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