I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
