o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
