Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
