connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
